Calvin at Camp: Peach and the Six Kids and Tiger
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: After finding out that Peach is actually more powerful than he is, Bowser sets out to off the princess. Mario, having been called away, sends Peach to the camp to be protected by Calvin and the others. Will the GROSS Club put their hatred of girls aside?
1. Magikoopa On the Wall

Darkland. The most dangerous region of the Mushroom World, named for the darkness that filled it. Of course, this was all due to their king, Bowser Koopa.

Bowser wasn't a terribly hard turtle monster to please. He enjoyed the simple things: Plotting, kidnaping, fighting, that sort of stuff. And yet despite this all, he wasn't satisfied. Something wasn't right. Something was missing.

Was it power? No, he had power. Was it family? No, he had eight children who all loved him. Only one of them actually respected him, though. That certainly was a blow on his self-esteem (if only it was as strong as his shell, he thought) but that was something that he would have to deal with another time.

So what...was...missing?

While he was pondering this, Bowser decided to enter one of the taller towers in the castle to consult his oracle.

"Magikoopa on the wall," he said in his most dramatic voice, "who is the most evil of all?"

"You mean around here?" replied his head wizard, Kamek, who was hanging from the wall, pinned up by a nail.

"Yeah, sure," shrugged Bowser.

"Gannondorf, of course."

"Aww," sighed a dejected Bowser. "I can't compete with that. Let me try something else. Magikoopa on the..."

"Save the verse. Just ask me your question."

"HEY!" Bowser shouted at the indignant wizard. "I am your king! I demand respect! Seriously, man! I'm bummed out..."

"Fine," said Kamek, rolling his eyes (although you couldn't tell because of his white glasses). "I just don't see why I have to be hung up here. It's not very comfortable."

"I wanted to try something new. Now answer my question! Who is the most powerful of all?"

"That would be your 'friend' Peach."

Bowser gasped. "What? Peach? As in Princess Peach Toadstool? The one I'm always kidnaping and stuff?"

"Yes, that would be her."

"But that doesn't make sense! I mean, I...she...I'm confused."

"I understand where you're coming from, your majesty," nodded Kamek. "It really would appear that you should be the more powerful being, judging by your ability to swoop in at any given second to carry her off."

"I know, right?" Bowser flailed his arms. "Heck, anyone can do that! _Everyone_ can! When I don't have her some lusty viking does or whatever! How can she be more powerful than any of us bad guys?"

"Because she possesses the power of love," explained Kamek. "Her heart is pure and tender. That kind of power, that kind of ability is far more amazing than your fire breath or Waluigi's disturbing dance moves."

"You're messing with me, right?" growled Bowser. "I can't believe this. Who's the second most powerful?"

Kamek did some mental calculations. "Peach's love abilities are strong, but you're still built like a tank. I would say that you would come in second place."

Bowser groaned. "First I can't settle the score with a camp full of kids and now I'm trailing behind the pinkest of princesses. I gotta do something."

Kamek smiled sarcastically. "Shall I round up the troops for an ambush?"

"No," growled Bowser. "Enough of this kidnaping stuff. It's too 1985. I'm going for a different route. But it's gonna take some planning..."


	2. Love Song

Peach stood on her balcony, looking over her beautiful kingdom. She scanned the skies. No Bowser. That was good, she decided. She wasn't really in the mood to be kidnaped. "Guarding" her were a trio of Mushrooms-Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster, her personal attendants.

(To the tune of "I'm Wishing" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Peach: _**I'm looking**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**She's looking**_

Peach: _**Over my empire**_

_**I'm scanning**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**She's scanning**_

Peach: _**The skies**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**The skies**_

Peach: _**I look for**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**She looks for**_

Peach: _**Some kind of Koopa flyer**_

_**Of any**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**Of any**_

Peach: _**Strange size**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**Strange size**_

Peach: _**Will he make a show**_

_**Or will he be quick**_

_**Just a grab 'n go**_

_**Bowser loves kidnaping chicks**_

_**I'm looking**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**She's looking**_

Peach: _**Over my empire**_

_**I'm scanning**_

Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster: _**She's scanning**_

Peach: _**The skies**_

Mario: _**The skies**_

Peach perked up when she heard Mario's tender(ish) voice. Her servants simply groaned.

"We'd better leave before this song segues into a..." began Toad, but it was too late. The musical interlude had suddenly become a love song.

(To the tune of "One Song" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Mario: _**Love song**_

_**Singing a love song**_

_**Love song**_

_**Don't know why it's here**_

Peach: _**Love song**_

_**Another love song**_

_**Love's strong**_

_**And this makes it clear**_

Both: _**We love**_

_**We love each other**_

_**That fact everyone knows**_

_**Love song**_

_**Not serving a purpose**_

_**But needed**_

_**In musical shows**_

Peach happily ran down the stairs and met Mario at her castle's entrance.

"Oh, Mario!" she cried. "I love our duets!"

"Me too," Mario sighed blissfully, staring into her eyes.

Watching from above, all three mushrooms cringed. "This is why most games end so quickly after Mario saves Peach," Toad winced. "There's nothing interesting to do at the end aside from watch these two stare at each other!"

Mario regained his composure and tried to look serious, which is hard to do when you're Mario. "Peach," he said, "I have to go away for a while. There's some sort of problem over on Yoshi's Island. Luigi's going too, and, well...I'm worried about you. What will happen if Bowser kidnaps you?"

"Oh, I can take care of myself," Peach laughed.

"No, you can't," Mario said bluntly. "I can't think of any times that you've been the one to defeat Bowser."

"There was the time that you and Luigi got captured!" Peach shot back, feeling very insulted.

"Okay," admitted Mario, "there was that one time, but that's just it! It was_ one time_! I don't want to be a jerk, but I think that you may have..."

"...that I may have gotten lucky?" Peach angrily finished. "I'll have you know that I could take Bowser any day! Perhaps not the first couple hundred times he captured me back whenever that was, but I've learned some of my own tricks!"

"Then why don't you ever use them?" shouted Mario.

By this time, Peach's three head servants returned to the balcony and were intently watching, while being joined by an increasing number of other mushrooms, all staring in shock.

"Because you've always been around so I've never needed to!" Peach shouted back. "Besides, I think it's cute when you rescue me."

Mario stopped. "Wait a second, you think it's...cute?"

Peach shrugged innocently. "Well, you always seem to be having such a good time and all, and I don't know why, but I really like it when you have a raccoon tail and..." she drifted off for a second and then frowned. "You know, I feel like I've become an insult to my entire gender."

"I wouldn't go that far," said Mario, "but it would be nice if you could, um, prove that you can take care of yourself."

"I suppose I haven't given anyone here much reason to believe that I can beat my captors," admitted Peach. "Look, if I can show you that I'm capable of standing on my own two feet before you go, will you be able to relax?"

Mario thought for a minute and then nodded.

Peach giggled, and embraced Mario. "Oh, Mario!" she cried. "You've made me the happiest girl in the world! ...hmm, there's that 'insulted my gender' feeling again."

Both: _**Love song**_

_**Singing our love song**_

_**After our five minute fight**_

_**Love song**_

_**An endless love song**_

_**It proves that**_

_**Things will go right**_

* * *

><p><em><em>The "Love Song" is probably the oldest thing in this story. A long time ago, I wanted to adapt each and every Mario game as a musical using Disney movies as a basis. It was also ordered by the date each game/movie was released (Donkey Kong = Snow White, Donkey Kong Jr = Pinocchio, etc). I only wrote some "meh" parodies for a Donkey Kong story, including this as a duet between Mario and Pauline. As I said, the "meh" songs were indeed "meh," but I liked the love song. A few alterations, and here it is!


	3. Forest of Fear

Peach's Toad Brigade lead the way to the area where Peach was to be tested...the Mostly Harmless Forest. It was an a very small forest, only a few acres wide, and it was inhabited by some hostile, but fairly weak creatures. The worst thing one could run into would be a grumpy Koopa Troopa, but there wasn't anything that couldn't be handled with a punch or a kick.

"Okay, princess!" Mario announced. "Just show us that you can walk through the forest! We'll be waiting on the other side!"

"This'll be no problem," chuckled Peach. "I'll see you all in a few minutes!"

With that, Peach marched into the woods, happy and proud. The trail was well-lit and most of the creatures hid from her in the bushes. A few Goombas charged her, but she calmly batted them away.

Above everyone, a single smiling cloud floated in the blue sky. But this was no ordinary smiling cloud...it was a Lakitu's cloud! And this was no ordinary Lakitu's cloud...Kamek and Bowser were hiding in it!

"Magikoopa in this cloud," whispered Bowser, "cast a spell and make me proud!"

"You know, your orders really don't need to rhyme," muttered Kamek.

"It's more fun this way!" Bowser argued. "Now cast your spell!"

"Alright," said Kamek, raising his wand. "I believe I shall transform the harmless Goombas and Troopas inside into hideous abominations. Any specifications?"

"Eh, lava and monsters, whatever you think would be effective," said Bowser. "I'm giving you creative control over this one. I'm just in a good mood today, ya know? Must be the weather."

Raising his wand, Kamek zapped the forest with his weird circle-triangle-square spell.

While the exterior of the forest remained the same, the groves inside immediately became darker. Eyes poked out of each corner, glaring at Peach. She gulped a little and continued walking. The exit wasn't that far away...

Suddenly, the grounds opened up! Peach found herself gazing down into an abyss of steaming lava.

For a second, Peach was too shocked to move. This had really come out of nowhere. Then, just as she was about to run, a huge face emerged from the lava! It was a Blargg, a lava-dwelling dragon. Not only were these creatures dangerous, but this was one of the biggest Blargg's that Peach had ever seen!

"_Peeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaach_..." it groaned, as its long neck stretched up to the top of the pit.

Peach screamed and dove out of the way as the huge beast took a bite out of the ground where the princess had just been standing. Angered, the Blargg roared as loud as he could, shaking the whole woods. Swoopers (the Mushroom Kingdom's answer to bats) few out of the trees.

Thinking quickly, Peach managed to snatch a few Swoopers by their feet and was lifted off the ground, out of the Blargg's reach. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to see that the Swoopers all seemed to be heading towards a large, pale tree that seemed out of place, even in the darker version of the woods.

Suddenly, the tree began to morph! Where it once stood was now a huge ghost, the Atomic Boo! The ghoulish monster began to inhale all of the Swoopers heading its way. The bats did not resist a bit, but let themselves disappear into the darkness.

Peach screamed again (can you blame her?) and let go, landing on the soft dirt. Actually, her landing really hurt for a woodland floor. It was then that Peach realized that she had not landed on dirt or grass at all, but on gravel. What was gravel doing in the woods?

The ground rumbled and Peach was thrown off as the "floor" rose above her. She had been sitting on the back of a Whomp, a huge monster made of stone!

"**AAAARRRRRGGGG**!" yelled the Whomp, and threw himself on top of her.

...

From the skies, Bowser and Kamek watched the forest. Nothing seemed to be happening. It looked like a tranquil grove of trees, perfect for a picnic.

"What's going on?" whined Bowser. "How come I can't see anything?"

"My spell changed the inside of the forest," explained Kamek, "but the outside looks normal. After all, if Mario could see what was going on in there, he would rush in himself and save her."

"Think we're cool, then?" asked Bowser. "Let's go home."

"Don't you want to wait and see what happens?"

"Nah, I'm bored. Besides, if this fails, I'll just blame you."

Kamek gulped. "Er, we really should wait a while..."

"I said I'm BORED. You don't wanna go insulting the most powerful person in the kingdom!"

"But it we just waited another moment, we could..."

Bowser snarled and turned the cloud around back towards Darkland. Kamek looked back towards the woods with a worried expression.

...

The Whomp raised himself off the ground again to reveal a flattened Peach. Although she looked rather comical, it was also obvious to the creatures that she was in intense pain.

"Ooh, that almost worked," giggled the Atomic Boo.

"Gonna crush her again," grunted the Whomp.

"_Peeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaach_," groaned the Blarrg, looming over the princess.

"You no eat her!" shouted the Whomp, punching the Blarrg in the face. "Me crush her!"

The Atomic Boo laughed wildly as he watched the Whomp and Blargg fighting. "You morons! I know who's really gonna get her!"

The Whomp and Blarrg stopped fighting for a moment to see that a rocky hand had reached out of the ground and was clutching the limp princess. It was a Bouldergeist, a rock creature even more dangerous than a Whomp.

The Bouldergeist tossed Peach from hand to hand, as if contemplating what to do with her. Before he could really do any damage, the Whomp and the Blargg were upon him, beating the monster senseless.

The Atomic Boo rolled around in the air, cackling madly. Never before had he and his former Goomba and Troopa friends had this much fun! No longer were they victims! The laughter stopped when the ghost looked up to see that Peach had managed to crawl away from the battling beasts and was headed towards the woods' clearing.

"She's getting away!" shrieked the Atomic Boo. He turned back to his cohorts to see that they had defeated each other-Whomp broken in half, the Blargg was unconscious, and the Bouldergeist's rocky outer shell was nothing but rubble, revealing his true form...a small, red ghost that resembled a floating uvula with a smoggy head and glowing eyes.

"You buncha boobs!" cried the Atomic Boo, smacking what was left of the Bouldergeist. Racing as fast as he could, the Boo flew after Peach who was almost out!

Peach escaped just in time. As she weakly crawled out of the woods, the Atomic Boo dove to tackle her. However, Kamek's spell had only been for the woods. The second the Boo left the magic's boundaries, he turned into what he had been before, a harmless Goomba.

Mario gasped in terror at what he beheld. There was his beloved Princess Peach, being stomped on by a Goomba! With a cry of rage, Mario kicked the Goomba back into the woods and knelt over Peach, who had passed out.

"Poor Princess!" cried Toad.

"I should have seen this coming," Wooster said to himself.

"That settles it," said Mario. "I love Peach, but if she can't handle a Goomba, there's no way she can last while I'm gone."

"But wherever can we send her?" asked Toadsworth. "Most of our neighboring communities have problems of their own. Hyrule is out of the question, Dream Land is a bad idea, Kanto is..."

"I think that we should send her somewhere where people are used to defeating Bowser, too!" said Toad.

"Me and Luigi are already going to Yoshi's Island," began Mario.

"No, no, no!" Toad cut him off, jumping around excitedly. "You know those kids? The ones who can warp here through books or some other stuff like that? Why not send Peach there? They've beat Bowser so many times that he starts to look pathetic!"

"You really think that a few kids can protect Peach?" Mario asked.

Toad stopped jumping around and suddenly looked depressed. "Mario, they're pretty much the best chance you've got on short notice next to us."

Without saying another word, Mario picked up the unconscious Peach and set off towards the nearest warp pipe.

* * *

><p>The Mostly Harmless Forest wasn't intended to be a "Hitchhiker's Guide" reference, but I guess the term "Mostly Harmless" was stuck in my subconscious or something and I only realized it after I had typed it.<p>

While I'm neutral on Bouldergeist and Atomic Boo (also known as Big Boo), Blarggs and Whomps are two of my favorite Mario enemies.


	4. Into Camp

Back in the forest, the Goomba that Mario had kicked groggily opened his eyes. It only took him a second to realize that he was again an Atomic Boo, having landed back in the range of Kamek's spell.

"Stupid plumber," he muttered to himself. He looked up at the other monsters, who were putting themselves back together.

"Me not sure how," said the Whomp, "but me in one piece again."

"_Probably Whomp secret_," said the Blargg. "_I not sure why I talk this way with bad English or italic letters._"

"Yeah," said the Whomp, "me not Whomp for too long yet."

Bouldergeist simply growled.

"Apparently, I'm the only one who can really talk around here," said the Atomic Boo. "I say if Mario ever comes back in here, we really let him have it!"

The others roared in agreement. From within the darkness of the forest, terrifying noises of other creatures were heard as well.

...

Whistling a cheerful tune (that a Disney fan might be able to identify as "With a Smile and a Song"), Mario dragged Peach (who was still in a comatose state) over to a warp pipe and tossed her in with a note pinned to her dress.

"I'm sure the kids will take care of her," Mario assured the Toads. "Look, I've gotta run! I hear the Shyguy Army is attacking at full force over on the island! Would you guys go make sure things work out with Peach and the kids? Thanks!"

Grabbing a feather, Mario transformed into his cape form and flew off into the sky.

"I'm not going in there!" cried Toad.

"But Master Toad," protested Toadsworth, "you have the most experience with those children. After all, you had some sort of Muppet-inspired adventure with them, did you not?"

"Yeah, we're kinda friends," said Toad, "but they never talk to me any more! You don't exploit a mushroom and then never say a word to him! I can't go back. It would just hurt too much."

Wooster peered into the pipe. "Er, are any of the children hostile?"

"Some of them," Toad nodded.

The three mushrooms looked at the pipe, then each other, then back at the pipe.

"She'll be fine..." Toadsworth said quietly.

Quickly, the trio of fungus scurried back to the castle.

...

Peach woke up on the floor of a room of some sort. The first thing she noticed was that it was empty. Looking around her, she saw that she was in a very plain room of what appeared to be a public building of some sort. There was a small bookshelf next to her. A few tables (and many chairs) lined three of the walls. A pile of backpacks sat in the corner, and there was a closet across from her.

In other words, she was in the main room of the camp, located in a rec center of some campus. Hooray!

Peach stood up, dusted herself off (the floors weren't exactly clean), and looked at the note pinned to her skirt.

_Dear Kids,_

_Please look over Princess Peach while Luigi and I are away. I love her dearly, but you 've played my games before and know that she is quite prone to being kidnaped. I am only writing this note in case she is still unconscious when you find her. Peach, if you're reading this, I am really, really, really, really, really sorry. I would add more "really's" to emphasize how sorry I am, but the Yoshis need me!_

_Love,_

_Mario_

Peach threw the note on the ground and growled. Looking around the empty room, she wondered where the kids were.

Peach had never been very close with any of the kids. While Mario had been on an adventure with a boy and his tiger once long ago, the meetings between the Nintendo "good guys" and the kids had been largely fleeting. Mostly, she had heard Bowser's rants while she was captured or something like that. Somehow, these kids had time and time again defeated the King of the Koopas, and he was not happy about it.

"So here I am," she said to herself. "Mario has entrusted my life to a group of children I hardly know...am I really _that _helpless?"

A green head poked out of a backpack. Peach gasped and backed up, worrying that Koopa had followed her. Instead, it was simply Jason's pet iguana, Quincy.

"Maybe I _am_ really losing it," Peach sighed, picking Quincy up. "Here I am, losing my cool at the smallest of reptiles."

(To the tune of "Whistle While You Work" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Peach: _**Do I deserve all this?**_

_**To be portrayed as weak and frayed**_

_**And overall helpless?**_

_**Am I really a joke?**_

_**I guess it's true, cause through and through**_

_**Things always are amiss**_

_**Whenever Bowser comes**_

_**I always play it dumb**_

_**I knew that Mario would save me**_

_**From those slimy, nasty bums**_

"But where has it gotten me, huh?" she asked Quincy, stopping her song for a second. The reptile stared blankly at her. With a shrug, Peach continued singing.

_**I should relax but I must ask**_

_**Do I deserve all this?**_

* * *

><p>I cut "With a Smile and a Song" because I really just don't like it. I found the song to be obnoxious and I think that this story works better without it.<p> 


	5. In Which the Kids Finally Show Up

As you may have guessed, I wanted to try something different with this story, focusing more on the Mushroom Kingdom. Therefore, the only "main" character who's appeared so far is Quincy. Finally, here are the others!

* * *

><p>Over at the campus's pool, a different tune was playing. It was that part of the day where all the kids from camp went swimming. Although their time in the pool was limited to an hour (sometimes even less), they still managed to squeeze an adventure in on most days.<p>

Today was a little bit calmer. There were no threats of villainy or wars, just kids playing in the pool. For once, it was truly a normal day at camp.

(To the tune of "Heigh Ho" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Kids: _**We play, play, play, play, play, play, play**_

_**Ev'ry day here in the pool**_

_**We swim and splash and sometimes crash**_

_**And try to dodge Ed's drool**_

Calvin: _**That's not say we only play**_

Hobbes: _**We both do our best to keep villains away**_

Jason: _**But at least**_

Marcus: _**But at least**_

Ed: _**But at least**_

Double D: _**But at least**_

Kids: _**Right now we have got some peace**_

_**It isn't normal to have peace**_

_**Why, it really throws us off**_

_**We aren't used to a real truce**_

_**At that idea, most kids scoff**_

Calvin: _**We don't quite know what did the trick**_

_**We have had a day with no conflict**_

Hobbes: _**Aside from that one falling brick**_

Kids: _**It's a normal day in the pool**_

Calvin paddled over to Jason and Marcus, who were splashing each other. "Can you believe it?" he asked his friends. "For once, a day started normally and might end normally, too!"

"It's so weird," mused Jason. "Everyone's been really mellow."

"You realize," said Marcus, "that now that you've talked about how calm things are, something is really gonna heat up."

Calvin smiled devilishly. "I don't mind that. Things are getting kinda boring, after all."

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Some people are never happy with things the way they are..."

A whistle blew. It was time for the kids to get out of the pool. Everyone headed into the locker rooms to get changed. A few minutes later, they were all heading back to the rec center, with the "main" kids (and tiger) singing their own little marching song.

Calvin, Hobbes, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Jason, and Marcus: _**And so, and so**_

_**It's back to camp we go**_

_**And so, and so, and so**_

_**And so, and so**_

_**It's back to camp we go**_...etc.

...

Peach sat at one of the main room's tables, drinking Kool-Aid and talking to Quincy, who simply stared at her. The little reptile wasn't much for conversations, but he didn't appear to be judging Peach, which was good enough for her after all she'd been through.

"I just don't get it," she said. "The forest was so safe, but then it was full of these huge monsters that would even give Mario _and_ Luigi a run for their money! I fainted, and I woke up here. Honestly, I don't know what the heck is going on."

Quincy's eyes followed a fly on the wall.

"I suppose I should go out and see where everyone is," Peach continued, "but I really don't know my way around this place. Besides, it's not awful here. It's no castle, but the bland atmosphere really calms my nerves. And this weird red stuff isn't terrible, either."

Quincy chewed on his tail.

Suddenly, Peach heard loud singing from the hallway. Quincy perked up (a little bit) as well, as if he recognized the voices.

_**And so, and so**_

_**It's back to camp we go**_

A voice suddenly rang out, above the singing. "Shut up, you dorks! You've been singing that stupid song since we left the pool! Give it a rest!"

Sounds of a scuffle came next, followed by seven kids (and tiger) being thrust into the room by someone behind them.

Calvin sat up and was about to yell into the hall at Kevin when he noticed Peach. The others did as well. With a scream, they grabbed her and thrust her into a closet as the other kids were coming in.

"What are you guys doing now?" Sarah asked them suspiciously.

"We're having, uh, a secret meeting!" stammered Jason.

"Yeah," added Calvin frantically, "it's secret enough to be cool, but boring enough so that none of you would care about it!"

"We never cared in the first place," muttered Lucy.

Quickly, the seven kids (and tiger) dashed into the closet and slammed the door behind them. Lucy rolled her eyes and walked over to the cooler. "Hey, who drank all the Kool-Aid?"

...

Inside the closet, the boys (and tiger) stared at Peach in silent shock. She stared back at them, with more of a skeptical, confused look on her face.

"So..." she finally began, breaking the silence.

Calvin, Ed, Jason, and Marcus screamed in response.

"Please excuse them," said Double D politely. "They are a bit awkward with the opposite gender."

"Oh, and you aren't?" scoffed Eddy. "I've seen how you get around Nazz!"

"As do you!" Double D shot back.

Hobbes rolled his eyes. With Calvin, Ed, Jason, and Marcus cowering in fear, and the other two Eds arguing, it looked like it was up to him. "Can we help you, Princess?" he asked.

Peach sighed. "Yes. Apparently I can't take care of myself and Mario has sent me here while he's off adventuring with his brother."

"Why'd he have to send you?" moaned Calvin, slapping his forehead. "Doesn't he know about my overwhelming hatred of girls? I have a whole club devoted to it!"

"This isn't my cup of tea, either," grumbled Peach. "But you wouldn't refuse royalty, would you?"

"For the Queen of Gravy," Ed said dramatically, "I would refuse naught."

The boys thought about this and fell into a huddle.

"Really, can't you put aside your irrational gynophobia for a moment?" whispered Double D. "She needs our help! Lord knows that the fair princess is accident-prone."

"I say we let her get kidnaped if Bowser shows up," said Jason. "Mario can rescue her when he gets back. It's not like Bowser ever does anything to her."

"Does he?" wondered Eddy, with a disturbed look.

"Wait a second," said Marcus. "I've technically saved her a ton of times. I mean, I've beaten a lot of Mario games, so..."

"So have I," sighed Jason. "I guess Peach is an exception."

"Well, having her in person is different!" Calvin pointed out. "What do we do?"

The boys all looked up at Peach, who was watching them impatiently.

"Well?" Peach asked them.

Ed stepped forward. "I shall protect you, princess," he said. "I believe in drivelry."

"That's 'chivalry,'" corrected Double D. "And I agree!"

"Me too!" cried an amorous Eddy, jumping next to his friends.

"You have a tiger's vow," added Hobbes.

Jason, Marcus, and Calvin grumbled and reluctantly stepped forward as well.

Peach smiled. "Well, I'm happy to hear that. I'm sorry if I've been in a bad mood, but I really want to prove to Mario that I'm capable of doing something for myself."

The kids (and tiger) looked at each other dubiously.

Peach sighed and sat down on a huge exercise ball. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. Why don't we do something fun?"

The kids (and tiger) looked at each other again. Giving Peach a "just a minute" signal, they dashed out of the closet.

"What do girls like to do?" wondered Ed.

Jason shuddered. "If my sister's any indication, it's listen to bad music and gossip about stuff that doesn't matter."

"We're doomed," moaned Calvin.

"You're the one who didn't want a normal day," Hobbes reminded him.

"Perhaps we had better talk to an expert," suggested Double D.

Eddy pushed Double D out into the hall. "I know who you're thinkin' about, and since it was your idea, you go!"

With a nervous look back at the main room, Double D headed down the hall to a booth across the way. There sat Lucy. The psychiatrist was in.

"Ah, Double D," she said kindly. "Are you here about your women problems? Because I have three lovely clients who..."

"NO," Double D said firmly. "I'm here with a question about a woman, though. It's, uh, my cousin. Yes, my female cousin is coming over and I would like to know how one goes about entertaining a women...girl."

Lucy glared at him. "Oh, so you assume that we're all alike, huh? Well, different girls like different things, you sexist pig! If you want to know what she likes, then ASK HER!"

Double D fell over backwards as Lucy screamed in his face, incredibly taken aback.

Lucy calmed down and held out her hand. "My fee is a dollar, thank you very much."

...

Double D ran back to his friends to tell them the news. "Apparently, we'll just have to ask the princess what she would like. I'm a little ashamed that I didn't think of that."

"I figured that would be the answer," said Calvin, "but I really hoped that it wouldn't be. What if she wants to do boring stuff like Jason said?"

"We'll do it for her, then," replied Hobbes. "She's a princess and she deserves the best! Besides, it's for Mario, too!"

(To the tune of "Bluddle-Uddle-Um-Dum" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Hobbes: _**We've come face to face**_

_**With something that's new**_

_**To most folks it's not**_

_**But it is to you**_

_**When dealing with a girl**_

_**What you gotta do**_

_**Is compromise with doing**_

_**What you both want to**_

Double D: _**This logic to girls**_

_**Does not just apply**_

_**It could work on practic'ly**_

_**Any other guy**_

_**As long as the to the idea**_

_**You both comply**_

_**Then you'll have a lot of fun**_

_**And no one comes out dry**_

Hobbes and Double D: _**There are lots of things**_

_**That most people like**_

_**Like a nice, long swim**_

_**Or a ride on a bike**_

Calvin: _**Well, I personally**_

_**Hate both those**_

_**But this could work...I suppose**_

Hobbes and Double D: _**So buck up a bit**_

_**And don't spazz a ton**_

_**If we really try hard**_

_**We might just have fun**_

Calvin: _**Even at though the idea**_

_**Makes me wanna run**_

_**I guess that I'll try**_

_**To help along with everyone**_

Hobbes and Double D: _**So brace yourselves, quick**_

_**When we go to ask**_

_**What she wants to do**_

_**What is our next task**_

All Seven:_** Though we're young**_

_**And we're fearless**_

_**In our pride we all bask**_

_**At a moment like this**_

_**We could really use a flask!**_

With a nod to each other, the boys (and tiger) opened the closet door to find...Peach standing in front of them with a huge jug of Kool-Aid.

"Have you tried this stuff?" squealed Peach. "I found some more packets back here, so I made some! I'm on such a sugar rush!"

"This might be pretty fun, after all," grinned Calvin.

The kids (and tiger) cheered and crammed inside, slamming the door behind them.

* * *

><p>The parody of "Buddle-Uddle-Um-Dum" may be a little hard to read, since I replaced the part where they all go "brr, brr, brr" with actual words. Just listen to the tune and it will all hook up, I think.<p> 


	6. Bowser's Meltdown

Although it was still daytime in the "real" world of camp, it was night in Darkland. It always was. Kinda like Gotham City, actually. In Darkland, however, the inhabitants didn't really care.

Smiling with all his fangs showing, Bowser approached Kamek, who was still hanging from the wall in his tower.

"Magikoopa on the wall, NOW who is the most powerful of all?"

Kamek gulped. "You are the most powerful in all of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"I knew it," laughed Bowser. "So Peach is dead?"

"You are the most powerful in all of the Mushroom Kingdom," Kamek repeated, after a moment of hesitation.

"Answer my question," growled Bowser, narrowing his eyes.

"She's alive," moaned Kamek. "But she's gone! The girl is out of the picture, completely! She's staying with those kids at that camp!"

"WHAT?" bellowed Bowser.

Kamek shrank down into his cloak, realized that he had said the wrong thing. In fact, he had just said one of the worst things anyone could say to Bowser at that time.

"You're telling me that the girl who rivals me for most powerful of them all is staying with some of my worst enemies? Those freaking kids who somehow manage to defeat me, time and time again? The kids who constantly make me look like a joke? THOSE KIDS?"

"Yes," squeaked Kamek.

"I thought the forest took care of her!" shouted Bowser.

"We left before we could confirm that," Kamek said softly, know that anything he said would probably end up resulting in pain.

"I WAS BORED!" screamed Bowser. He began throwing various items of furniture around in a rage. Many of them ended up hitting Kamek.

Lemmy, one of Bowser's children, peeked in, only to be hit in the face by a table. Already being a scatterbrain, he was on his feet again in an instant. "Hi, King Dad," he said cheerfully.

"Whadda you want?" growled Bowser.

"I couldn't help but overhear your fit of rage and wondered if I could help."

Bowser sighed deeply. "I don't know, probably not. I figured that if it came to this, I could turn to plan B or something."

"Well, there ya go!" grinned Lemmy.

"Yeah," said Bowser, brightening up a bit, "I like plan B's. B is Bowser. I'm Bowser. That makes me happy. That's good...problem is, I DON'T HAVE A PLAN B!"

He began throwing things around again. Lemmy ducked into his shell. "I know!' cried Lemmy. "I'll get Iggy! He'll probably have a good idea! He's smart!"

As Lemmy scampered down the stairs (and stumbled a bit, because his head was still in his shell), Bowser simply groaned. "Aww, great."

"Is there something wrong with your son?" Kamek asked groggily.

"Nothing serious," said Bowser, "but when Iggy and Lemmy are together, they do this thing where they finish each other's sentences, and it creeps the sprinkles out of me."

Lemmy returned a moment later (with his head out of his shell this time) with Iggy behind him.

"We've come..." began Lemmy.

"...to help!" said Iggy.

Bowser and Kamek shuddered.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Iggy.

"Peach is alive and King Dad wants to get rid of her!" explained Lemmy.

Iggy paced around Bowser, thinking aloud. "Well, I could invent some big robot or something."

"Nah," said Bowser, "she's with those stupid kids. I don't want them getting involved. As much as I love giant robots, we have to use something really inconspicuous."

"Well, then why..." began Lemmy.

"..waste my genius?" finished Iggy. "Just use poison or something!"

"THAT'S IT!" shouted Bowser. "Kamek, we're off! If I'm gonna poison Peach, I'm gonna do it with style! Get my biggest, finest Doomship ready!"

"I thought you said you wanted to be inconspicuous," Kamek pointed out.

"Yeah, maybe when I'm actually carrying it out," said Bowser. "But now I'm just getting ready. We're gonna go all out on this! Think how dramatic it'll look to everyone! Let's fire some cannons for the heck of it!"

Laughing madly, Bowser ran out of the room. Kamek sighed and followed him, leaving a confused pair of Koopalings behind.

* * *

><p>The whole "Bowser liking plan B" thing actually was inspired by an old "Get Fuzzy" comic where Bucky the cat liked plan B because B is also for Bucky.<p>

Otherwise, I really don't have much to say on this chapter other than a note relating to Iggy. If you may remember, Ludwig was the genius of the Koopalings back in that Monster-Mixer episode where I was trying to stick closer to the Mario cartoons. I've decided to change things up and make Iggy the genius (I heard somewhere that he was the one who build the giant mechas in "Yoshi's Safari") and Ludwig more of flamboyant musician, as he appeared in other media. Meh, there's a million continuities for Mario. Sometimes you just have to choose whichever one you like the best.


	7. Night Falls

Back at camp, the boys (and tiger) found that they were actually having a lot of fun with Peach. They told her about their game "Calvinball," and she actually wanted to try it. While the other kids were out in the gym playing kickball, Peach and her seven new friends stayed behind in the main room and played their own game, singing all the while.

(To the tune of "The Silly Song" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Calvin: _**I've got these birdies, one and two**_

_**And they're both where I'm sittin'**_

_**But the other ninety-eight**_

_**Are all just too well hidden**_

All: _**It's cool with made-up rules**_

_**Each round's never the same**_

_**Why would people want to play**_

_**Any other game?**_

Eddy: _**I smacked the birdies through the door**_

_**I don't think it was fowl**_

_**And so I get to run around**_

_**Dragging paper towels**_

All: _**It's cool with made-up rules**_

_**Each round's never the same**_

_**Why would people want to play**_

_**Any other game?**_

"But who's got the Calvinball?" asked Hobbes.

"I do!" cried Peach, pulling the ball out from under her skirt. The boys groaned in response.

"C'mon," whined Jason, "none of us would have thought to look there!"

"And even if we did," shuddered Calvin, "we wouldn't have gone for it."

"Speak for yourself," grinned Eddy.

"I believe that an act so devious should end the game," said Hobbes. "Princess Peach wins!"

The boys (and tiger) cheered. Even the naysayers (Calvin, Jason and Marcus) had to admire Peach's trick. After all, Calvinball's rules allowed almost anything.

"The other kids are coming!" cried Ed, hearing their voices in the hall. "Hide your women! Bolt the windows and trapdoors!"

Peach and the boys (and tiger) rushed into the closet as the others came back into the main room.

"The day's almost over," Jason remarked. "What are we gonna do now?"

"I'd _love_ for Peach to stay at my place," said Eddy, "but my room's being painted. I could never hide her."

"I have a feeling that her, er, presence would set off something unheard of in my abode," stammered Double D.

"My bungalow is wonderful and wet!" announced Ed.

"You really do NOT want to go there," Double D urged Peach.

Everyone turned to Calvin, Jason, and Marcus.

"Oh no..." said Jason. "We are NOT putting up with her! No offense, your majesty."

"We can't leave her here," said Marcus. "What if a janitor finds her or something? C'mon, we didn't button mash our thumbs into numbness for nothing! We did it to save Princess Peach game after game, no matter how tough things got! And we _hardly_ used any cheat codes! We did not go through all of that to leave her to sleep in a closet!"

"Sounds like you're willing to guard Peach," Calvin sneered.

"No way!" Marcus shot back.

"The three of you should draw straws," said Hobbes. "Whoever has the shortest one takes the princess home."

"How come you're not drawing a straw?" whined Calvin.

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Because we live in the same house." The tiger thrust out his paw, holding three straws. Jason, Marcus, and Calvin all took one. It was Marcus who had the shortest straw.

"Fine," sighed Marcus. "But my dad's gonna be picking me up soon and I don't think I can explain the attractive blonde lady."

"That's not a problem," Peach said happily. "You have those books that have some sort of portal thing to the Mushroom Kingdom, right? I can pop inside one, hide for a while, you take the book home with you, and I pop right out again!"

"As long as you're quite certain it's safe," said Double D. "Mario sent you here for a reason, after all."

Peach laughed. "Oh, I'll just hide somewhere that none of those creeps use any more. I know my way around my own kingdom."

"She's got ya there," said Eddy.

Calvin fetched a Mario book and held it up. "Okay, Princess, all you need to do is jump and you'll get sucked in to wherever you want to go."

"I'll be in the Hazy Maze Cave," Peach told Marcus. "Come and get me whenever it's safe."

With a friendly wink, Peach hopped up and was instantly vacuumed into the book. Calvin slammed it shut.

"Good luck," said Jason.

...

Peach crouched down in the Hazy Maze Cave, waiting for Marcus to give her an "all clear." Although some portions of the maze were toxic, Peach stayed in the safe areas. There weren't many creatures lurking there, and the few that were didn't stand a chance against Peach. No Snufits or Monty Moles posed a real threat.

After an hour or two, Marcus poked his head out of a pipe. "Sorry to make you wait, your highness. We were having dinner."

"That's alright," said Peach. "It's not awful down here. Let's go."

Peach jumped into the pipe and the two warped back into the "real world."

It was a good thing that they left, for at that very moment, Bowser and Kamek emerged from around a corner.

"I can't believe you don't know your own maze!" whined Kamek.

"None of us creeps use this place any more," replied Bowser. "Unless you count that DS remake, but I don't know how canon that was. Anyways, this maze is the perfect place for poisoning something. It's possibly the most toxic, hazardous area in the Mushroom Kingdom, at least to humans."

"Is Peach a human?" asked Kamek.

"She's close enough. I think there's also some fungus in her, but I don't think about that. It's a real turnoff. Let's get started on the poison apple!"

"A poison apple?" asked Kamek. "Why not just use a poison mushroom? You wouldn't have to go through any trouble finding one around here."

"She knows what a poison mushroom looks like!" snapped Bowser. "She's an easy target, but she ain't stupid! A poison apple is classic. It's so classic that no one would suspect someone actually using one, not even a princess!"

"I suppose that sort of makes sense," said Kamek.

"Of course it does!" Bowser roared triumphantly. "Now hand me the apple!"

"I don't have an apple."

"...aw, crap."

...

Back in Marcus's room, Peach was telling him of her "adventure" in the Mostly Harmless Forest, with the various hostile creatures.

"So all of these huge monsters were in that little grove?" asked Marcus. "That doesn't make sense. Why would they just hang around together? Usually, those guys each have their own lair or something."

"I've been in that forest with friends before," said Peach, "and it's always been, well, mostly harmless. I've never seen any of those beasts there. I get the feeling that Mario isn't even aware of them, or he would have done something about it."

"I guess you'll have to talk to him when he gets back," mused Marcus.

"I suppose so," sighed Peach. "We need to _really_ talk, not just a short chat like before, but a real heart-to-heart conversation. I love him, but we don't really understand each other all the time. All those therapy TV shows I watch say the same thing."

"What kind of therapy shows do they have in your kingdom?" asked Marcus.

"The most popular doctor is actually Dr. Mario," said Peach. "He films the show sometimes, but there's not much psychology involved. The show is mostly him dropping pills in a huge jar. It's surprisingly addictive..."

Peach stood up and walked to Marcus's window. She looked out over the dimly-lit street. It was a far cry from her grand view on her castle's balcony, but it was pretty enough to her.

"So..." Marcus mumbled awkwardly, "I guess you miss him, huh?"

"Do I ever," sighed Peach.

(To the tune of "Someday My Prince Will Come" from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_)

Peach: _**I know he's far away**_

_**Though he'll return someday**_

_**And there's something in me that can tell**_

_**That he's missing me right now as well**_

_**We might not always click**_

_**But through all thin and thick**_

_**Our love will hold out**_

_**I know without a doubt**_

_**That day when my love returns**_

Marcus shuffled his feet. "That was, uh, really pretty," he admitted. "Do you think you guys will be able to see eye to eye?"

"I know we will," said Peach. "I'm getting sleepy."

"Don't tell the guys," said Marcus, "but you can sleep in my bed if you want."

Peach got into Marcus's bed, and Marcus lay on the floor. Peach reached over and turned off the bedside lamp and the two dozed off into their dreams.

* * *

><p>No, they're not sleeping in the same bed, you bunch of pervs.<p> 


	8. The Totally Not Poisoned Apple

The next morning's routine was essentially the same as the previous evening's. Peach hid in the Hazy Maze Cave while Marcus went off to camp, taking the book with him. When the coast was clear and the kids (and tiger) were all gathered in the camp's closet, Peach hopped out of the book with no harm done.

Most of that day was filled with songs, snacks, and games. Peach and the kids (and tiger) were really starting to get along, and even Jason, Marcus, and Calvin had to admit that she wasn't the most awful person to be around.

"You're okay, Princess," said Calvin, as he ate a cookie.

"Do you think you might try spending time with other girls?" Peach asked playfully.

"Heck no!" chorused Jason, Marcus, and Calvin.

"You're an exception," said Jason, "but we're not about to change our entire life's view just because a video game girl ended up being decent."

"Besides," said Marcus, "most girls here are kind of insane."

"Along with everyone else," Double D pointed out.

"Forget them," said Eddy, motioning to Jason, Marcus, and Calvin. "Princess, I think you're hot stuff!"

"You flow through me like lava!" agreed Ed. "It hurts, but I LIKE IT!"

"I think we need to have a little talk with Ed," Double D whispered to Eddy.

"I hate to rain on our moderate parade," said Hobbes, "but I think it's time to go to the pool. The princess should probably stay here."

"Awwww..." chorused everyone else.

"Don't worry," said Peach, "you won't be gone long, right? I'll be here when you get back with some Kool-Aid!"

Smiling at Peach, the kids (and tiger) marched out of the closet and after the other kids, who were already leaving.

Calvin, Hobbes, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Jason, and Marcus: _**And so, and so**_

_**It's to the pool we go**_

_**And so, and so, and so**_

_**And so, and so**_

_**It's to the pool we go**_...

Peach smiled as their voices faded. These kids (and tiger) really weren't that bad. Her condition could be a lot worse. If only she could get Mario to listen to her, though...

Outside the closet, the few Mario books sat on a shelf with a couple other activity books. Suddenly, one of them sprang open. Out from the portal peeked the heads of Bowser and Kamek.

"Did you remember the apple?" Kamek hissed.

"Of course I remembered the apple!" Bowser hissed back. "It's not like I was going to forget it again! All I gotta do is trick her into eating it and..."

"I just remembered!" gulped Kamek. "You need a disguise! She's too smart to take anything you offer her otherwise!"

"Good point," muttered Bowser. "I can be quite the master of disguise when I wanna be. You should have seen my 'Professor Kooparity' costume! But the only thing I have right now is this is old cloak."

Bowser pulled the cloak from out of his shell and wrapped it around himself.

"That won't work," moaned Kamek. "The last plan failed because you were too hasty. Let's hurry back to the castle and..."

"This ends now!" growled Bowser, shoving Kamek down into the book. "Besides, it's not the clothes that make the Koopa! My acting alone will trick her!"

Climbing out of the book, the cloaked Koopa approached Peach's closet hideout with a sick sneer on his snout.

...

Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach's three head mushrooms, Toad, Toadsworth, and Wooster, were heading out to a warp pipe that would lead to the "real world."

"I told you," complained Toad, "I don't wanna go back there!"

"You're the youngest, nimblest and most experienced with these matters," explained Toadsworth. "We just need you to check on the princess to make sure she's well-attended to. Last night, one of our patrolmen said he saw Bowser piloting the Doomship with a gleeful look about him. That's too suspicious for my tastes."

"Fine," grumbled Toad. "But I'm taking a Cape Feather just in case I run into trouble out there!"

With a grimace at his two friends, Toad hopped into a pipe and warped into the "real world."

...

Meanwhile, in said "real world," Bowser was knocking on the closet door. "Are there any lonely princesses in there?" he asked, attempting to sound sweet.

Peach instantly recognized his gravely voice and stayed silent.

"Don't be afraid," cooed Bowser. "I'm just an innocent old, green lady, selling some lovely apples. Don't you want one? I'm so poor and sad..."

Apples? He had apples? Peach's mind raced. This setup was just like in the old fairy tales! Was Bowser really trying the old "poison apple" bit? The one that everyone knew? The one that was so obvious that no one would even try it?

Peach decided to humor Bowser to see what he was up to. "Is it a _poison_ apple?" she called through the door.

"A poison apple?" Bowser chuckled nervously. "Why, that's such an old cliché! Why would anyone use something so old and boring like that? Everyone knows the old stories about poison apples, so no one would be stupid enough to actually try the idea out! It would be too obvious."

"You sound like you really know what you're talking about," Peach said slyly.

Bowser gulped, worrying that Peach was catching on. "Uh, I do know what I'm talking about. But only the apple part. Not the poison. Nope, that's just speculation. Now why not OPEN UP and take the apple?"

At this moment, Toad popped out of one of the books and gasped. Bowser was there, and it sounded like he had Peach trapped in the closet! Without a word, the little mushroom dashed into the hall to hide.

"I gotta get help!" Toad whispered to himself. Running outside, he took a nibble of the Cape Feather (or he did whatever you do when you want to power up, I don't know) and suddenly had a magic cape. With a running jump, Toad glided over the campus, looking for the boys (and tiger) who could help.

He managed to glance a line of kids, walking towards the pool building. He could even hear them singing!

_**And so, and so**_

_**It's to the pool we go**_...

With a cry of delight, Toad swooped down...right into a tree.

...

"_Please_ can I come in?" Bowser whined.

Peach rolled her eyes. She was curious as to what Bowser had up his nonexistent sleeve, so she opened the door.

"YES!" shouted Bowser. "I'M IN! PHASE ONE OF MY PLAN IS COMPLETE!" He paused and glanced at Peach, who was staring at him in surprise. "Uh...I always say that when I enter a room," he said quickly.

...

The six boys (and tiger) were still singing their marching song when Kevin slammed the door to the pool building in their faces.

"Hey," yelled Calvin, banging on the door, "let us in! We promise we'll only sing the chorus five more times!"

In response to this, the kids inside the building piled a huge stack of chairs and desks in front of the door.

"Four more times?" Calvin asked weakly.

"Try holding out for three!" Ed suggested happily. "Going once, going twice, sold to the short mushroom!"

Everyone turned around, realizing that Ed was pointing to a dazed, but anxious Toad who was stumbling towards them.

"I need your help!" blurted Toad. "All of you! Even _you_," he said, pointing to Eddy, "the guy who practically tried to kill me!"

"I what?" cried Eddy.

"He conveniently lost his memory of those events," Double D quickly informed Toad. "Lazy plot devices aside, what brings you here?"

"THE PRINCESS IS IN TROUBLE!" Toad screamed.

...

"...so you're saying that this is a magic wishing apple?" Peach asked Bowser, holding the ripe, red apple in her hand.

"Yes."

"And you expect me to believe that?"

"Yes."

"And it's poison?"

"Yes. I mean no."

Peach narrowed her eyes at the desperate Koopa who stood before her. She almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

...

"We shouldn't have left her alone," moaned Hobbes.

"I know she wants to be able to hold her own," said Marcus, "but we still have to protect her! It's our job!"

"We need to get back NOW!" yelled Calvin. "Let's take the Gator!"

The Gator was a particular jeep that the counselors drove around camp to make sure everyone was behaving. At the moment, it happened to be parked, unattended, next to the kids.

"Are you really saying that we should steal it?" gasped Double D.

"We've stolen it tons of times," groaned Eddy. "We even stole it two days ago! One more time won't hurt!"

"Besides," said Jason, "it's for royalty."

The kids (and tiger and mushroom) piled into the jeep and sped off towards the rec center where Peach was.

"You know," said Eddy, eyeing Toad, "you'd make a good mascot for my mushroom omelettes..."

"We're not starting that again!" Toad shot back angrily.

...

"The apple tastes wonderful," urged Bowser. "Please make a huge old lady happy. Just take a bite. One bite. Just one."

"Just one bite?" Peach asked suspiciously.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Bowser cried gleefully.

Peach looked at the apple again. It was obviously poison. And since these reflected the tale of Snow White so much, the poison was probably the special sleeping kind. What if she didn't take a bite, exactly? The worst case scenario would be that she would fall asleep. Perhaps she could take a risk...

Peach licked the apple and collapsed.

"Wow!" cried Bowser. "That poison was stronger than I thought it was! She didn't even need to bite it!"

At that moment, the kids (and tiger and mushroom) burst into the room.

"Hands off the princess!" shouted Toad.

"You're too late!" roared Bowser. "Now I'm the most powerful one of all! ...in the Mushroom Kingdom region, at least. He who koops and runs away lives to koop another day!"

With a cackle, Bowser opened a Mario book and hopped through the portal back into the world of video games.

"This is just like in that old cartoon," moaned Jason.

"Oh yeah?" growled Toad. "Well, I'm gonna do something that we never did in that awful show. I'm goin' after him!"

The kids (and tiger and mushroom) leapt into the book after Bowser.

A second later, Peach poked her head out. "Wait, guys! I was faking! I was going to take Bowser by surprise when he...aww, wait for me!"

With a sigh of frustration, Peach leapt in as well.

* * *

><p>In case anyone is wondering what the heck was up with that thing with Eddy and Toad, it's a reference to a previous story, "Fame, Fortune, and a Dancing Mushroom," a <em>Muppet Movie<em> parody, where Eddy tried to make Toad advertise his mushroom omelets. In the end, I was kind of reviled at what I had made Eddy, so I took the easy way out and gave him some short-term memory loss of the story's events.

Also, I realized that I've been calling this story "Peach and the Seven Kids (and Tiger)" when there are only SIX kids! I'm changing that, of course.

Big climax next chapter!

That's what she said.

Sorry.


	9. Finale

Bowser barreled through the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom with the kids (and tiger and mushroom) at his scaly heels. They were fast, after all, especially when they were avenging a princess!

As the chase was going on, Mario and Luigi were flying back from Yoshi's Island (using their capes). Mario glanced down and saw the commotion.

"What's going on down there?" he called.

"Bowser KILLED Peach!" Toad called back.

Mario's face went pale.

"Mario?" Luigi asked quietly.

Suddenly, Mario let out a primal scream and swooped down after Bowser. With a gulp, Luigi followed.

A few feet behind them, Peach ran, struggling to keep up. "Wait, everyone! I gotta ditch these heels next time."

"Shortcut," Bowser thought to himself, "I need a shortcut or something...wait a sec, there's a pipe past that forest!"

Running into the forest, Bowser suddenly paused. "Wait a second, isn't this that forest that…"

His cut off question was answered by a punch from the Whomp he had created.

"YES!" roared Bowser, "this is perfect! Destroy Mario, my pets!"

He received another punch. "DON'T TELL US WHAT TO DO!" thundered the Whomp.

"But we DO want to kill Mario," the Atomic Boo reminded him.

"Sorry. Me forget."

Mario, Luigi, and the kids (and tiger and mushroom) dashed into the woods a second later and gasped at the creatures that stood before them.

"We're dead," said Calvin.

What followed was a melee. The kids (and tiger and mushroom) fought off the beasts like there was no tomorrow. Luigi stared down the Atomic Boo. Toad swatted at Swoopers. Calvin and Hobbes punched the Blargg (and suffered from minor burns). Mario punched his way through everything that stood in his path. He was after Bowser.

Bowser groggily crawled out of the bushes. "Uhh, that really hurt!"

"Not as much as this will!" shouted Mario, grabbing the Koopa King by his tail. "Remember this move, Bowser?"

Mario began to swing him around by his tail. "No," moaned Bowser, "NOOOO! It's too humiliating! And it's unoriginal! Please, no!"

"Mario!" called a female voice.

Mario let go of Bowser (flinging him smack into a tree) and turned around. There was Peach! His beautiful princess alive and well!

Mario ran to Peach, but something grabbed him. Bowser held Mario over his head and smashed the plumber into the ground. Peach gasped in horror as Bowser began to stomp on Mario, laughing all the while.

"STOP IT!" Peach shrieked, kicking Bowser in the stomach. The kick, which was surprisingly strong, sent Bowser falling backwards into a lava pit inhabited by the Blargg. Down he fell, screaming his Koopa head off.

The battle stopped immediately. Everyone peered down as Bowser sputtered in the lava below, calling for Kamek.

"Kamek! Ack! Kamek!" Bowser frantically pulled a jeweled wand out of his shell. Kamek's face appeared in the jewel. "Sire! What's happening?"

"Magikoopa in my wand, stop the spell that you have spawned!"

"Oh my! I completely forgot!"

With a wave of his own wand, Kamek reversed his spell. The forest began to brighten up, the monsters shrunk down to being Koopa Troopas and Goombas, and the lava pit closed up…with Bowser still trapped inside.

"!" roared Bowser, as the ground closed above him.

The Troopas and Goombas gulped and ran for their lives. They didn't need to run so fast, though. The kids were too busy tending to the wounded Mario.

Peach picked him up and sobbed a little bit. Tearfully, she gave him a kiss.

Immediately, Mario began to cough and opened his eyes. "Peach," he whispered, "I'm sorry. I love you."

Peach hugged the plumber and everyone cheered! Mario was alive! The procession marched back triumphantly to the kingdom, singing all the way.

_**We might not always click**_

_**But through all thin and thick**_

_**Our love will hold out**_

_**I know without a doubt**_

_**That day when my love returns**_


	10. Epilogue

"All right, kids," sighed Kamek as he led the Koopalings out to the Mostly Harmless Forest. "Think of this as fun game! You're digging for treasure! Yes, treasure!"

Each of the Koopalings held a shovel. They were about to search for Bowser.

"Hey, guys," said a voice. The Koopas turned around…and screamed.

There stood Bowser, only he was missing something. His skin. Bowser was in his "Dry Bowser" form-he was nothing but a skeleton.

"What happened to you?" cried Kamek in alarm.

"I was 'washed' downstream in that stupid lava river and it singed my skin off. Magikoopa standing there…just gimmie my skin back."

With a zap from his wand, Kamek restored Bowser to his old scaly self.

"Thanks," said Bowser. "So I've been thinking. I was going about this all wrong. I can't kill Peach. That's the wrong thing to do. Plus, she and Mario are freaking insane! No, I have a better idea of how I can be the most powerful being…by learning to love like she does! Give me a hug, kids!"

The Koopalings and Kamek screamed again and ran off, with Bowser following them.

"COME BACK HERE AND LOVE ME!"


End file.
